No More Pumping :(

Effective last Monday I discontinued pumping at work.  It was a difficult decision, but I've yet to feel guilty. 

Upon originally returning to work I had high hopes to pump up until Emily was a year old.  It should have worked too.  I had a private office with a fridge, my work didn't involve lots of in-person meetings, I didn't have to bother with dressing up so it was easy to find "pumping friendly" outfits, and the staff in my team were all very supportive and understanding.  All was well the first two weeks and I was happily dropping Em off each morning with a good supply of milk for her day.

Then at the beginning of my 3rd week back they asked if I could move into an interim HR role in another department.  This position was much higher visibility, my office would be in the executive suite, I would need to be dressed up each day and I was constantly in meetings.  I found that it was difficult to get a few moments free to run back to my old office and pump (it was easier than using the closest lactation room), my real "dress up" work clothes were difficult to move to pump, and I ended up missing pumping sessions continuously.  When I would finally sit down and express milk I was getting less and less due to stress.  Then I would stress about getting less milk and the cycle would go on and on.  So I would lug the pump home each night (with my laptop, purse, Emily's day care bag & Em herself) to try to get another session in before I went to bed or early in the morning. 

I finally realized that this just wasn't working.  We were dipping way into our freezer stash of milk that I had so carefully built up in the weeks prior to returning to work.  All of this was just too much work and making an already difficult time even harder.  So I worked with day care and for the first week they did have breast milk and half formula.  By the 2nd week she was on full formula with no ill affects.  She seems to have not noticed any difference and is just as happy as she was before.  I'm probably suffering the worst of it with those awful formula diapers...

The last two weeks of no pumping has felt so good.  I can wear real bras again!  I can take lunch without being hooked up to a pump!  I have one less huge bag to carry home every night!  And my girl is still being well fed.