Jason and I decided in the beginning of 2009 that we were probably at the point where we should consider starting a family. Looking back it’s kind of a weird decision to make. For so many years you are trying not to get pregnant and then all of sudden you think you should do the opposite. Plus, you don’t really know what you are getting into, it just seems like the thing to do. For us it meant that there was no excuse not to try. We had been together for a number of years:
traveled quite a bit,
gotten married,
established our careers, bought a house
and were now standing there looking around thinking what next?
In January 2009 I started a new job at a hospital in the East Bay. We began trying in March of that year. We weren’t really diligent or over the top about trying, I just quit taking the pill and we decided to see what would happen. I didn’t want to become one of those overbearing wives that spent all her time stressing about ovulating and making sex become a regimented thing. I figured we had plenty of time to go that route if we found that we had fertility problems. Probably the closest thing I did to being obsessive was join FertilityFriend.com which basically tracked your cycle to let you know what the timing is that you should be shooting for. The worst part about that was the name of the site…lame.
My job at the new hospital was incredibly stressful, due mainly to a mentally & verbally abusive boss. I suffered an anxiety attack at work and was drinking more than usual. I think on the whole I was unhealthy, despite the fact that I worked out every day. I truly believe that my body was not allowing me to get pregnant because of the stress. Fortunately I found a job that was less stress and closer to home. The new boss wasn’t great, but she certainly wasn’t as bad as the old one.
When I took the new job we decided that we weren’t going to stop trying, but we would make an effort to avoid times when I was ovulating (Ummm, apparently I was terrible about looking at the calendar). It didn’t seem like the best idea of get pregnant right after starting a new job, plus you typically need to be at your employer for 12 months to qualify for job protected leave under FMLA. Essentially my focus at that point was traveling to Europe for work, training for a half marathon and thinking about our next big vacation.
One night in mid-March I went to San Francisco for a big night out with my friend Tamara. My nights out with Tammy are legendary. Typically they consist of too much sushi, too many drinks and passing out on her living room floor cuddling her dog Nigel. I took BART in so that I wouldn’t have to worry about driving home and walked to meet her and some friends in Dolores Park for a few beers. The whole walk over I felt pretty cruddy, like I had an impending stomach flu. Due to feeling so bad I rushed dinner and had just a small bit of wine. Over dinner Tammy and I talked at length about the fact that we had been trying to get pregnant for a year. I told her honestly that I wasn’t that worried about it and figured we still had plenty of time. Plus, I had started mentally preparing myself for the possibility that we couldn’t have kids and how we would continue to fill our lives if that was the case.
The next morning I woke up still feeling a bit off. I realized that I was about 4-5 days late on my period, which didn’t really cause me alarm because after going off the pill my period came at different times. I decided that I might as well take a test just to be sure, we were having friends over for dinner so I just wanted to clear myself to have wine. I had gotten used to taking many pregnancy tests over the last year and was so accustomed to them coming out negative that I didn’t really think much of it as I set it on the side of the bath tub. I finished my morning routine and almost walked out of the bathroom without checking the test, as I went back to get it I saw what appeared to be a cross. It took me a moment to realize that usually I only saw one line. I stared at the test for a moment and then stared some more and finally exclaimed, “What the fuck?!” I literally couldn’t believe it was positive. It wasn’t one of those jumping up in down because it finally happened moments, it was more like is this for real?
I walked into the bedroom where Jason was still lying in bed. I hadn’t told him that I was taking a pregnancy test, as I’ve mentioned I got to used to taking tests that were negative that it wasn’t even on my radar to inform him. I’m sure he was wondering why I was yelling out “What the fuck?!” when I was brushing my teeth. So I marched over to him test and instructions in hand and said “Look at this! This thing says I’m pregnant!” He snatched the test from my hand and started puzzling over the instructions. “Why can’t this damn thing just say pregnant or not? What do they have to make it so confusing?” Although I was 99% sure that I was pregnant at that point, there was still a lingering doubt. I mean for so long I hadn’t been knocked up so it was weird to think that in just a moment that all could change. We went about our plans for the morning, going to the gym, shopping and brunch. The entire time I’m thinking about how strange it was that there may be a baby in me. Strangely I didn’t feel any different. It’s kind of like getting an oil change, you know something is different but you have no real indication of it. Finally we stopped at the drug store and picked up the expensive, but decisive, digital tests that clearly said pregnant or not pregnant. I got home and went right to use the test. Within 30 seconds of taking it the word “Pregnant” popped up. I marched out and showed it to Jason, “Guess it’s official” I said. We spent the next few hours repeating to each other, “Can you believe it?”
That evening we called Dad & Janelle and Pete. They were all so excited, you could hear the pride and anticipation in their voices. It’s very cool to pass on the information that folks are about to get their first grandchild. Kim was out of town and Pete was going to tell her when she got back. We wanted to wait until my Mom came from a business trip the next day so we could tell her and Bob in person together. The next day we stopped by their house and told them that we had already got Mom’s birthday present on order and it would arrive in about 9 months. Mom was thrilled and Bob was clueless, it took a few more moments for him to figure out what we were talking about.
We announced it to our extended family & friends at about 10 weeks when the Dr felt the pregnancy was viable and then told work around 16 weeks. All of our friends were so excited for us. I received heaps and heaps of supportive emails, calls & texts. Really amazing how being pregnant brings people even closer to you.
No comments:
Post a Comment